I Want To Be a Hilton – Reality Watch Advice
By Diana Kaaha
Summer television has turned to socialite extraordinaire and mother of Paris, Kathy Hilton, to entertain us with her ample tips to the high life. But do we really care? Do we really want to be a Hilton? Do we really need to spend our free time watching 14 unpolished Hilton wannabe’s go through Kathy’s etiquette boot camp? She may call this the good life, but maybe she needs to take the silver spoon out of her mouth and place it firmly on the wrong side of the plate. She is sweet and means well, but one cannot help imagining her with messed up hair, wearing sweats, hanging upside down from a huge Fear Factor contraption, and then watch her social skills when given a dish of horse intestines covered in squirming maggot gravy. What might be in her etiquette book about that?
This less than “The Apprentice” show has Kathy spying on the group of un-Hilton-like contestants as they pound down hors d'oeuvres and guzzle drinks. She goes on to teach them to always bring the hostess a gift, proper utensil use, how to taste wine, and the do’s and don’t of fine dining. The socially deprived viewer can take notes on such wine tasting guidelines as the Five S's – See, Sniff, Sip, Swirl, and Swallow. The daring fan might be tempted with impure thoughts to add Spill as the sixth S, just to put a stain on Kathy’s superbly stiff dress and bling covered pumps that could finance a dozen families for several years.
As Kathy doles out advice during high society challenges, one wonders how she might do in Hell’s Kitchen under 120 degree heat. When she tells her protégée’s that it’s impolite not to taste a dish such as escargot at a dinner party, one also wonders how she might react at a social gathering when served a plate of Fear Factor cuisine. In a nutshell, Hilton’s advice offers frivolous and unimportant tips in a world with real issues that have nothing to do with how one holds a wine glass.
So Kathy, let me make a toast to you. You are not quite Donald Trump, although you likely have dined with him in. You are almost too sweet in a sour world of reality. And as for wanting to be a Hilton, I think I’ll pass.
Diana’s Advice: If you must watch, sip, but do not swallow.
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